i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
