One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't turn off my feet"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
