I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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