You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
