whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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