Your face is a jimmy john
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why didn't you poke me back
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
