I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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