Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
