So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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