me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize