she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
