Someone shit on the floor
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
