If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
