So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
