hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
