five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
