I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
