did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
