the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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