I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
