Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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