i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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