i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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