i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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