At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
