So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
