I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
