i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
