i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
