So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
