In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
