So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
