Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
