Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
