Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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