I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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