I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
