I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
