You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
