i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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