meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
