did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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