The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
