Your face is a jimmy john
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
