they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
