I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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