just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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