she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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