It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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