Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
