She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
