I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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