apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
