I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
