We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize