My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
