I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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