remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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