So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
