Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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