Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
