how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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