Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
