I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
