Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
