took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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