Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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