So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
