Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
