9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I didn't notice because vodka
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
