i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
