I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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