In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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