Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
