i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
and you fell through a lawn chair
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
