i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
