there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
this hospital has no fireball
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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