so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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