Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
