I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
