so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
