Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
