More tranny stories later!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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