My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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