I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
