The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
